How do I get my exhusband to understand?

[Florida Hippy]

So here goes a topic......

I want my 10 year old to go Vegetarian and she wants to do it to.
My exhusband is refusing to accept that it is her idea and refuses to allow her to do it while she is at his house. He even threaten me to take me to court about it which after he stated that I walked away laughing. So any advice or encouragement would help

Peace and Love
Fraser Girl

[Andy Seals]

I think the problem here is control. He wants to be the one to call the shots and what not. Even if it was something else like having your daughter play volleyball instead of something else, I bet he would have a problem with that...

Some men just have testosterone problems... Now how to deal with that I'm not sure although I can say giving into what he wants isnt the way to go... Because then it will only get worse...

[Miranda [TerraFire]]

This is definitely a control issue. My dad and mom were the same way when they got divorced. If he does take you to court, you should have no problem working with your lawyer to develop a case for how much healthier a vegetarian or vegan diet is for your child and whatnot. He might think you're trying to make his life more difficult by encouraging her to make a choice that he feels might be harder to handle, so just let him know that this is definitely not true. My heart is with you, I know what it's like to be in a relationship with a meat eater, divorced or not, and it's never easy. Best of luck!

[Trav]

I understand where you are coming from. I am in the same situation except I'm on the other side. I have my boys every other weekend. My ex doesn't understand why someone would choose to be a vegetarian and it's "too much of a hassle" to plan meals for her family. It does have a lot to do with control and respect. All we have control over is what we do, not others. So prepare veggie dishes at home and when your daughter is away she will have to make the choice on what she won't eat. Hopefully he will eventually see how important it is to your daughter and make the adjustment for her sake.

[vegan gaz]

how about,
if your gonna hire a lawyer to make a case concerning health issues, you might as well have him or her take your ex to court for trying to blackmail yourself into giving your daughter an unhealthy diet instead of the one you both would choose without the threat of a custody battle.
in effect what hes saying is 'if you dont feed our daughter food that she is most likely gonna get ill from one day/die of then he will take you to court'. (it should be the other way round)
if i ruled the world that would be minimum blackmail, maximum conspiracy to murder.
happy days :)

[Mirabilis]

It needs to be about what your daughter wants, not what you want or a battle between you and him. If it is really important to her, the best thing you can do is encourage her to speak up for herself and make her wishes clear to him. And help her educate herself so she can explain to him why it's important to her. If she's serious about going veg, she needs to learn sooner rather than later how to assert herself with respect to her dietary needs. Maybe when she goes to his house, she can pack suitable snacks and things to take with her.

[Karmah]

I'm so sorry that you and your wonderful child have to contend with this.

My 13 year old and I abhor the murder of animals for food, and each year during his Christmas visit he has to deal with his papa's 'tradition' of a dead goose in the house along with his dying xmas tree. My son hates it....But...Each year, he gets a bit stronger in his objections and more powerful as a human being, so we still have hope.

What your daughter needs to do is to voice her own opinions about meat to her dad (the fuck can't sue her). When I was a child, I wouldn't have eaten cadavers for anyone under any circumstances, so if she feels anywhere near the way I did, tell her to stand her ground. And if he intimidates her, arm her with enough knowledge to counter his foolish beliefs.

Don't let him threaten you, he's got no ground. May I suggest:

A Basic Course in Vegetarian and Vegan Nutrition by George Eisman, R.D. ISBN # 0961443502

Becoming Vegan by Brenda Davis, R.D. and Vesanto Melina, M.S., R.D. ISBN # 1570671036

Dairy Free and Delicious by Bryanna Clark Grogan and Joanne Stepaniak ISBN # 1570671249

Vegan Nutrition: Pure and Simple by Michael Klaper, M.D. Gentle World P.O. Box 1418 Umatilla, FL 32784

[phone].

Don't know if that last address is still correct; however, you can look Michael Klaper online.

Also, Brenda Davis was kind enough to give me her address and phone number, they are: 1094 Lambeth Court
Kelowna B.C., Canada V1V 1N2 [phone], or you can email her at [e-mail] or visit her website at www.brendadavisrd.com.

Don't let him scare you either, bugger him. The gift you're giving to you, your child and the world at large is too precious to lose to a fool. Good luck. And you can always contact me.

Take care, kind soul, stay strong and best wishes.

xox Karmah

[pradtf]

great books karmah.

there are some excellent websites too vegsource being one of the most comprehensive. klaper can be found btw towards the bottom right along with a host of extremely knowledgeable people like mcdougall and greger.

another great site is veganpeace - again very thorough.

there are lots of others ranging from activist such as www.goveg.com to laymedical such as www.pcrm.org to educational www.earthsave.com

in friendship,
prad

[Justin]

Hi Fraser girl~ When she learns how to make her own food and pack her own lunch it'll get easier. He can't take you to court because she won't eat what he cooks. You just keep being the awesome mom that you are! Take care!

Justin

[pradtf]

if your husband refuses to accept your daughter's wishes, that is his problem.
but it is a real opportunity for your daughter!

here is a chance for her to find out who she is. the best defense they say is offense, so why not have her work on getting your husband to go veg?

she first needs to understand that being veg is her right and stand up for herself - so arm her with info and rationale. karmah has provided several books. there are plenty of websites too on why veg is the way to go. why shouldn't she choose the healthiest and most compassionate lifestyle? it's her body not your husbands.

then, once she is secure, she can go after him!

my son faced a similar dilemma, but with my parents who tried to get him to do things their way since he was 2. the pressure mounted as he became older as they tried to feed him not only corpse fare, but also some real nastiness towards us. he figured out what was going on though and always resisted even though it was difficult - my parents live with us.

by the time he was 8 though, he went on the attack with delightful relentlessness too! it took a couple of years, but the result was that my parents went veg and have been so for a decade. in fact, my mother who was the more hostile became a very vocal veg.

and i reiterate what justin says - you just keep being awesome! the model you set will be an inspiration for your daughter!

in friendship,
prad